Did That Really Happen? H&M catfight…

Image from blogs.houstonpress.com

In the news:
Georgetown is no doubt famed more for its (pretentious) politesse than its skank… but M Street purportedly got a taste of the not-so-civilized this past weekend when four girls (or at least a few of their group) beat up an H&M salesgirl/woman, before macing her with something besides Mace. Classy.

I wonder what they were fighting over? Clearance scarves?

Oh, yes, he actually said that

Facebook whispers:

At a Target somewhere in East Amherst, New York:

A child looks at the elderly woman behind the snack counter at Target and says, “You’re going to die soon.”
Child’s mother: “Honey, we don’t say things like that.”
Child: “But she’s old, so she’s going to die soon, right?”

Did That Really Happen?

Image from tvgasm.com

And we thought the kids on Jersey Shore were only good for fist pumps and “GTL” (gym, tan, laundry)…

Thursday on Jersey Shore
“He didn’t even have the audacity to go after her and apologize”—Sammi, Jersey Shore

…maybe next time he won’t have the decency to call her fat in the first place.

Did That Really Happen?

Facebook whispers:

Anon. status: “i dont understand how i can be dehyrdated and swim in a pool everyday?”
Comment: “the chlorine makes your skin dry and that’s why your dehydrated happens to me all the time.”

Did That Really Happen?

Facebook whispers:

Anon. status: “car says 11 and news says -4…dint get it?”
Comment 1: “-4 windshield”
Comment 2: “windshield… LOL i think its called windchill hahahhaha”

wow.

It’s a Wrap!

It seems this news warrants a long overdue blog update:

Tyra and Oprah have now both called it quits.  2010 is shaping up to be a fantastic year already. Oh, wait. Oprah is so important she requires a two-year notice.  Perhaps we should just enjoy the time we have left before she advances her efforts to “OWN” it all.  (She’s ending her show to start her “own” network).  Wow, I can’t wait.

Jumping on the bandwagon, Tyra quickly followed suit.  Though, who knew with that forehead that Tyra’s “bigheadedness” could be outdone?  I mean, Oprah gave us two years. C’mon Tyra! Where’s the three?  But, alas. Just a short 12 or so weeks stand between us and the end of The Tyra Show.  Now that’s one we’ll miss from McHale’s soupy clip-down.

Just who will wow us with fat suits, bedazzled Vaseline-jar giveaways and such stellar journalistic skill? Clearly we’ll need to find another self-loving halfwit with a disturbing but uncanny ability to offend even the most indiscriminate of sensibilities.

Who will little girls look to now for lessons in finding their inner fierceness?

“Star” bucks the fast food industry?

So, it comes as no surprise that a company that oversold itself would eventually “jump the shark” and have to cutback (omnipresent) growth.

But who could predict, as reported by the Wall Street Journal today, their newest plan - set forth by the company’s vice president and an entourage “lean team” who are traveling the country with a Mr. Potato Head challenge (troubling but true) – with intentions to lessen the numbers of employees needed by increasing productivity.   How?  By curtailing employee “walking, reaching, [and] bending” so as to “minimize idle moments” and hopefully reduce the number of workers they need in their stores. (http://finance.yahoo.com/banking-budgeting/article/107468/latest-starbucks-buzzword-lean-japanese-techniques.html?mod=bb-budgeting).  Who knew that decreasing labor could literally decrease labor.  Thanks, Starbucks, for coming through for your employees in times of unemployment peril.

But with this news comes stark reality.  The days of the four-corner Starbucks dictatorship may (finally) be dwindling.  Try not to choke on your high-dollar Frappuccino.

Credit-earned, Starbucks is simply a mastermind – an aromatic McDonald’s – a Mocha Monster (circa 90s until now), who ever-so-artfully constructed stores on each bend of the American landscape (god forbid you have to cross the street), while single-handedly manufacturing every cup of coffee to taste methodically, precisely, disturbingly the same.

Mollycoddling long aside, perhaps what is most fascinating about today’s report, though, is the assertion that “Starbucks Corp. built its business as the anti-fast-food joint.”  Really?  I’m sure they intended to.  But, exactly how does a company who is in the process of reducing their employees to mere mechanical movement – as a means of delivering coffee, wraps and pastries faster – claim to be anything other than fast… food?  It must be their prevalence on every American Main Street – target, grocery store, even an emerging highway conglomerate –  and their drive-thrus, that distinguishes them from the White Castles and Bojangles of the land.  Right.

But to corporate coffee gurus it’s the quintessential bean.  The Mocha Mecca.  And, maybe it simply comes down to prices.  Somehow, by charging as much as a gallon of milk for a 12 oz. coffee, Starbucks managed to not only make coffee the it-trend of the moment and liken its drinkers to posh crack addicts, but more importantly managed to make their logo synonymous with personal wealth – so that carting a $4 venti mocha latte on a Monday morning became just as significant as having on Raybans or Manolos– if not supplanting them.  Certainly something we have never associated with the Hamburglar.

Let’s remember, this is a java giant who transpired the idea of the 1990s small, independent coffee-shop, adorned with writers, academics, artists and businesspeople, all with talent and big ideas (and time), into a mod hot-spot with pay-to-use wifi, drive-thrus, and oh yes, their own language.  And we all quite literally bought into it.

But, why can’t I just have a small cup of coffee?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m human – and I jones for those perennial, limited October-ish pumpkin-spice lattes just as much as the next girl –

But I also resent it – because, pumpkin spice excepted, it’s not even good coffee…

So I can’t help but laugh as Starbucks is forced to swallow some of that pretension and apparently lower themselves to produce, smoothies and fast-food products to galvanize their stalled success and compete with a market that is collectively outselling them.

I, for one, can’t complain about the fact that now coffee specialties are available at modest discount in just about every deli and fast-food joint. So, thank you, Starbucks, for making iced coffee plentiful and dirt-cheap by comparison – just about everywhere else.  It’s high time better coffee at a more reasonable price found its place back on Main Street – or at least, my street.